Do feelings have a title?

Ashtami. A very bright day. I had no plans for that day, except for being forced to go to a Dandia thing at a friend's place. I needed to get out of the house. Panchami, Shoshti, and Saptami went eventless...with the usual pandal hopping the entire day. That kept me busy. But I asked myself, what next? After all this is over?

What? Nothing. The same days, and the same nights, alone. Though I shouldn't be missing him much, but it does take time.

While I was walking down,barricaded between two rows of bamboo fences that have always been put up specially during the pujas in Calcutta, to "maintain discipline", as is said, waiting for the crowd to turn so that we could enter the telengabagan route to the mandap. It seemed, that day, as if there were just people madly in love with each other, all around me. Was it just a projection of what I was missing in life? Or am I really the one alone?

I have good friends to help me walk through, and they've always been with me. But do friends always fill that space that was once(it would be dishonest to say not now), filled by somebody else?

I dont know.I have no idea. How do I trust?How do I believe in you? Not again, or yet again?

The cars drove past me, I was standing on the edge of the road, waiting for my bus. I was thinking, I missed mine.After 20 minutes of more waiting, with the gauging eyes of people down and up, really disgusting me, his words blurring my mind, I somehow managed a bus, got myself a seat, and again, started dreaming. Of what? Of all the good times. A tear dropped to my cheek, and the woman beside me looked at me worriedly. I am fine, and I managed a bleak smile.

The ride was excessively long, maybe because time seemed to go slow motion for me that day. Each instance was painful. Re-remembering you, on every little thought, and that day, seemed to be just us, like the year before. They were doing all that you had done. How was it that way? They didn't even know you.

But they all reminded me of so many things. Was this a new beginning? Or was I losing out on something? On you.?

I've stopped looking for them.I talk to you everyday, but yes, without wasting your time.

I feel you everyday, but without you having to touch.

That's how life has turned for me. From that Ashtami.